All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
