If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
