My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
