If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
