it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
its not stalking. its research.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
