Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
