I faked an abortion last night.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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