You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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