sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
