I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
