I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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