Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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