how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
