you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
