i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
