the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
