My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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