I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
