Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
