What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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