Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dear god my vagina.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
