I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The best revenge is premature balding
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
