Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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