I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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