Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
