oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
