wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
