Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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