Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
