I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
