I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
