last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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