go do what you do best...puke behind churches
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
