New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
