Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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