I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
