It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
