is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
