And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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