i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
