If that was your dad, he is hot
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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