As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
