I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
