you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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