At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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