They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
