Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
