She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
