Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
