please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
