proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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