He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
