She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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