I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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